Since I'm single, I thought I'd show to you all my dream girl. Kind of like Brad Pitt or Matthew McCophany or whatever. You have all heard of her. All men have likely dreamed of her. She is Rachel Nichols:
Oh man. I know, I really don't need to explain myself. But I will.
5 Reasons Rachel Nichols would be the coolest girlfriend ALIVE:
1. I could hear her talk for hours. I like to listen, but it would be HEAVEN to listen about sports for hours. "So how was work today?"...
2. "I miss Rachel. Oh I know I'll watch my FAVORITE station and see her beautful face."
3. On her days off, we could watch a basketball/football game. We could talk during it - not about hair or shopping. But about the field. The players. We'd argue who was going to win. (Imagine girls, if you talk about romantic stuff while watching a chick flick with your guy. Same idea here.)
4. No other woman sports reporter looks like a human, let alone like a woman. Most look like trolls, U of U linebackers, or Hagrid's wife. Like Andrea Lloyd from the Mountain.
5. There's something intriguing about girls with red hair.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
...or take WebMD's advice...I did!
I recently wrote to WebMD with a question. They were a little harsh, but sometimes the truth hurts. Here is the response, cut and pasted from their website:
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Dr. Andersonavich Will See You Now
Last night, my sister Josee was feeling a little under the weather (she gave me permission to use this photo):
I love the prescription drug TV commercials where upbeat music plays while a person goes through his daily life with a smile on his face because his ailments are suddenly healed from popping a pill. The best part is that while this person is looking so happy, a voice in the background casually lists all the possible side effects. Wow, suddenly being cured doesn't seem so great when you could die from the same medicine.
Here is my prognosis (as a future recipient of a doctorate degree) on some medicines based on their side effects:
Purpose: enlarged prostate
Purpose: insomnia
Purpose: shorter periods
Purpose: depression
Purpose: heart burn
She said she was plugged up, so my mom gave her a sudafed. Which she says will solve that problem. But Josee didn't want to have a runny nose while sleeping all night, nor drainage into her throat (an excellent point) so my mom gave her a pill to dry things up. It really seemed like they cancelled each other out, right? WRONG, because one of the second medicine's side effects includes a runny nose. Weird right?
I love the prescription drug TV commercials where upbeat music plays while a person goes through his daily life with a smile on his face because his ailments are suddenly healed from popping a pill. The best part is that while this person is looking so happy, a voice in the background casually lists all the possible side effects. Wow, suddenly being cured doesn't seem so great when you could die from the same medicine.
Here is my prognosis (as a future recipient of a doctorate degree) on some medicines based on their side effects:
Purpose: anxiety
Possible side effects: depression, muscle twitching, agitation, concentration problems, diarrhea.
Prognosis: Is it just me or are all of these side effects also signs of anxiety? So what is Xanax actually curing? Plus now you have diarrhea to boot. Stay away from this one.
Possible side effects: depression, muscle twitching, agitation, concentration problems, diarrhea.
Prognosis: Is it just me or are all of these side effects also signs of anxiety? So what is Xanax actually curing? Plus now you have diarrhea to boot. Stay away from this one.
Purpose: enlarged prostate
Possible side effects: cough, diarrhea, dizziness, headache, infection, nausea, runny nose, sinus problems, sleepiness, sore throat, weakness
Prognosis: So now you don't have to pee as often but you have diarrhea and a runny nose. That's a trade-off I wouldn't make 9 times out of 10. No thanks, Flomax.
Purpose: insomnia
Possible side effects: dizziness, daytime-drowsiness, unusual dreams, loss of coordination, breast enlargement in males.
Prognosis: This medicine is supposed to help you sleep so you wouldn't even notice the dizziness or loss of coordination (unless you sleepwalk). And I think the unusual dreams could be fun and the enlarged breasts would finally help me gain weight. I'm giving Lunesta the green light.
Purpose: shorter periods
Possible side effects: bleeding or spotting between menstrual periods, blood clots in the legs, liver tumors.
Prognosis: I've never had a period but it seems to me that the whole point of having a shorter period is so you bleed less and get it over with sooner. So basically they're promising you a 3-day period but warn you may bleed in between your 3-day periods. So it's not a 3-day period. Plus you could get a liver tumor. Sounds like a raw deal to me.
Purpose: depression
Possible side effects: Impotence, constipation, decreased sex drive, blurred vision, weight gain or loss, increased sweating, difficulty urinating.
Prognosis: After curing my depression, I think Cymbalta's side effects would depress me all over again (see below and add all of these possible side effects as causes of depression). This one is a no-go.
Purpose: heart burn
Possible side effects: nausea, flatulence, abdominal pain, constipation, dry mouth, allergic reaction, back pain, chest pain, hot flashes, fatigue, fever, flu-like disorder, pain, rigors.
Prognosis: Let me get this straight--Nexium is supposed to make you feel better when you have heart burn. But it can also give you a stomach ache, nausea, and a fever, to name a few of the new ailments. Aren't all of those things as bad or worse than heart burn? My accounting skills say you're better off just going to sleep with the heart burn.
and of course...
Purpose: erectile dysfunction
Purpose: erectile dysfunction
Possible side effects: four-hour erection.
Prognosis. I know we're all thinking this so I'll just say it: Isn't that the point?
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Psychology 101
The other day, I was listening to the radio and there was a Doctor (a psychologist) taking phone calls to answer questions about Seasonal Depression. I realize this is and could be a serious problem for some. Apparantly, it is a problem for many. People spend a fourth of their lives (Winters) depressed. They go to the doctor and get "light therapy." That is just sad. After extensive research within myself and talking to pessimistic people at school, I have found some of the main causes of this seasonal depression:
I know I look sad but I'm really just trying to look cool/Mexican.
TIP NUMBER 3: Get a boyfriend/girlfriend. I don't have much advice for guys on getting a girlfriend, considering I haven't qualified myself as an expert in that department. However, there are many things a girl can do to assure a catch - maybe in time for Valentine's Day! YAY!:
2. Don't talk about your depression in front of your prey (the boy). The boy will either run or use you since you seem to be willing to do anything to be happy.
3. Be a little more forward. Boys like girls. A LOT. You are not likely to be shut down. Run your hand through his hair (find someone who isn't a grease ball), squeeze his tushie, etc.
4. Don't mention boys that you have crushes on while you are on a date with a guy you have a crush on. People you shouldn't mention might include: His best friend, your best friend, Brad Pitt, and Edward.
- The holidays are over
- School begins
- Taxes need to be filed
- Valentine's Day is coming up, and you don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend
- Snow is everywhere on the road threatening to slide your car into a ditch
- It takes 10-15 extra minutes to get anywhere because of the snow and overcautious drivers
- Whenever the sun comes out, it seems to be even colder 0utside than usual. (this has something to do with something called an inversion)
- You feel like you have overspent on things and that feeling of guilt has swept over you
- New Years Resolutions (one more chance to fail at something, right?)
- You probably gained about 20 pounds or more over the break (unless you are special like me)
- There are limited things to do and limited ways to exercise and get that extra weight off. (swimming, hiking, running outside, folk dancing are all out of the question
Combined, these events create an overpowering sense of inadequacy. Year after year the same feeling comes when January rolls around. So our brains decide that for the next three months life is miserable. We train ourselves into misery. And...TADA! You have seasonal depression.
For all of you out there that talked to Dr. Zchalafifanvadsfjlvich on the radio yesterday, I have some real life suggestions for how you can get rid of seasonal depression:
TIP NUMBER 1: Sometimes when working at SESD we would get idiot callers wondering why their electricity bill had gone up so much. They didn't realize that having their trailer hooked up to an outlet for 30 days straight used power I guess. Anyway, when you get a bill like this, it sure can't help you keep a positive outlook on life:
Who left the fridge open?
The answer: During the holidays, stop trying your best to look like morons by hiking your electricity bill up:
Christmas isn't about looking ridiculous anyway.
TIP NUMBER 2: Traveling is much harder in the winter, especially near Provo where students from Florida are sticking their heads out of their windows, trying to catch snowflakes on their tongues (while driving). Our solution to getting places in the winter without it ruining your day and time: Buy new tires-
I know I look sad but I'm really just trying to look cool/Mexican.New tires run around $500. That's half of what you saved on your power bill anyway, so it shouldn't be too big of an issue.
TIP NUMBER 3: Get a boyfriend/girlfriend. I don't have much advice for guys on getting a girlfriend, considering I haven't qualified myself as an expert in that department. However, there are many things a girl can do to assure a catch - maybe in time for Valentine's Day! YAY!:
1. Shave your upper lip. A smooth upper lip makes for easier kissing. You don't want things to progress that far and then come crashing down because of some fuzz! Wax if you have to. This is essential to your happiness.
2. Don't talk about your depression in front of your prey (the boy). The boy will either run or use you since you seem to be willing to do anything to be happy.
3. Be a little more forward. Boys like girls. A LOT. You are not likely to be shut down. Run your hand through his hair (find someone who isn't a grease ball), squeeze his tushie, etc.
4. Don't mention boys that you have crushes on while you are on a date with a guy you have a crush on. People you shouldn't mention might include: His best friend, your best friend, Brad Pitt, and Edward.
Now you can be happy! You owe me $100 for reading my psychological advice.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Parenting 101
I, for one, have thought about what to say to my children when bad things happen to them. Part of good parenting, in my opinion, is keeping a positive attitude which will influence your children to be positive as well. Here is a parenting lesson for all of us to take into our hearts...
When your kid comes home from school and tells you that a bully was pushing him around, show him this picture:
Then say, "Son, at least you're not a six-legged deer. Imagine how the other deer treat this freak."
Who wouldn't feel better after hearing that? Life is all about putting things in perspective.
When your kid comes home from school and tells you that a bully was pushing him around, show him this picture:
Then say, "Son, at least you're not a six-legged deer. Imagine how the other deer treat this freak."
Who wouldn't feel better after hearing that? Life is all about putting things in perspective.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Exhibit 3
The Twilight movie was at best a disaster, and yet it has produced a huge amount of hype and plenty of (brainwashed) people love it. See Exhibit 2 where girls are talking about seeing it over 10 times in a month. The following are problems that are inexcusable for a film available in all theaters. Could a person seeing a movie with so many errors overlook them all? Only if they were brainwashed...
Exhibit 2
Revealing mistakes:
1. In the scene with Edward and Bella talking in the cafeteria (when she drops the apple and he catches it) it is very apparent that he has pit stains. Vampires don't sweat. Everyone knows that.
2. Throughout the entire movie the vampires' contact lenses are clearly visible in close ups. For example, during Bella's flashback after the car accident, you see a close-up of Edward's eye - the outer rim of the contacts Robert Pattinson is wearing is distinctly visible.
3. In one of the forest scenes Edward has his sleeves rolled up and you can clearly see that he has a tan. Vampires are shown in the film to have white skin (except Laurent).
4. In a scene in the lunch room, Emmet is clearly seen chewing on food. It has been stated time and time again in the books that vampires do not eat, and their food always remained untouched during lunch. Indeed, Stephenie Meyer mentions on her website that they kept having to redo those scenes because Emmett kept eating. Emmett apparantly likes eating. Sounds like a human man to me.
5. In the scene with Edward and Bella lying in the grass, you can see Edward's carotid pulsating. In the 'Twilight' books, vampires do have hearts, but they do not beat.
6. It's been stated many times that the vampires do not change at all, ever. Yet Edward has varying degrees of stubble throughout the film.
7. Kristen Stewart's microphone was clearly visible between the hem of her shirt and the waist of her pants when Charlie takes Bella to her bedroom in the beginning.
8. Right before the scene when Edward drops Bella off at the Police Station a police truck from Clackamas County pulls out of the lot. Clackamas County is in Oregon, not Washington.
Continuity:
1. While Bella is in the hospital (for the second time) it shows the first shot of her eyes and nose. She has oxygen tubes running to her nose. The tubes are over top of her eyes, but when the camera zooms out the tubes are nowhere near her eyes. Then it zooms back in and the tubes are at her eyes again, and so on.
2. When Edward drops Bella off at the police station on the way back from Port Angeles, she doesn't have her bag, which contained the book she picked up from the book store that she uses later on to research the "cold ones".
3. In the ballet studio, James clearly breaks Bella's right leg. However, in the hospital, Bella's right leg is not covered by the blankets and reveals only bandaging on her thigh; her left leg is covered and appears to be straight and in a cast. In the following scene (prom), it's her right leg in a cast.
4. In the scene where Edward and Bella are on the rocks and Bella asks Edward if anyone else in his family can read minds too. Bella has mittens on and in the next shot they are off and laying in her lap.
5. In the baseball scene, Rosalie's hair changes between shots. In some, her hair is shown to be neatly curled, in other shots, it is shown to have lost its curl almost in its entirety, and so on. (A girl would immediately recognize this.)
6. When Bella is in the forest to confront Edward on who he is the flap on his right shoulder of the jacket Edward is wearing is buttoned down, in the following scene, unbuttoned, then buttoned again.
7. In the meadow scene, Edward and Bella are lying very closely together at first, but when the shot switches, they are suddenly quite a bit farther apart even though they appear not to have moved.
8. When Charlie is telling Bella that the security guard had been killed by the "animal," you can clearly hear that it is raining but neither Bella nor Charlie are getting wet and no rain can be seen.
9. During the Ballet Studio scene, when some of the Cullens arrive to help Edward fight James we see Emmett, Alice & Jasper jump from a balcony to the ground below. In the wide shot we see Alice land while the other two are still falling, but then in the next shot we see all three of them land at the same time.
10. Throughout the film, dark roots on Rosalie's would show in one scene and then disappear in another due to the fact Nikki Reed's is naturally very dark instead of blonde.
11. When Bella confronts Edward, her red book bag on the left of the screen seems to flip and move around in different shots on the scene.
12. At the prom Bella and Edward see Jessica and Mike. Bella motions to Jessica then they turn and walk away with their backs facing them. Bella and Edward walk through the crowd, seeing Tyler dancing, then they see Angela and Eric. When the scene comes back to Bella and Edward you can clearly see Jessica dancing right behind them even though she would have been on the other side of the room.
13. When Jacob confronts Bella at the prom scene she is shown in just her dress. A couple of shots later when Edward cuts in, she has a sweater on.
There are other horrible special effects throughout the film, such as when they make Edward run really fast and it looks as though he is a road runner. Also, the vampire's makeup looks like pancake batter.
Exhibit 2
Revealing mistakes:
1. In the scene with Edward and Bella talking in the cafeteria (when she drops the apple and he catches it) it is very apparent that he has pit stains. Vampires don't sweat. Everyone knows that.
2. Throughout the entire movie the vampires' contact lenses are clearly visible in close ups. For example, during Bella's flashback after the car accident, you see a close-up of Edward's eye - the outer rim of the contacts Robert Pattinson is wearing is distinctly visible.
3. In one of the forest scenes Edward has his sleeves rolled up and you can clearly see that he has a tan. Vampires are shown in the film to have white skin (except Laurent).
4. In a scene in the lunch room, Emmet is clearly seen chewing on food. It has been stated time and time again in the books that vampires do not eat, and their food always remained untouched during lunch. Indeed, Stephenie Meyer mentions on her website that they kept having to redo those scenes because Emmett kept eating. Emmett apparantly likes eating. Sounds like a human man to me.
5. In the scene with Edward and Bella lying in the grass, you can see Edward's carotid pulsating. In the 'Twilight' books, vampires do have hearts, but they do not beat.
6. It's been stated many times that the vampires do not change at all, ever. Yet Edward has varying degrees of stubble throughout the film.
7. Kristen Stewart's microphone was clearly visible between the hem of her shirt and the waist of her pants when Charlie takes Bella to her bedroom in the beginning.
8. Right before the scene when Edward drops Bella off at the Police Station a police truck from Clackamas County pulls out of the lot. Clackamas County is in Oregon, not Washington.
Continuity:
1. While Bella is in the hospital (for the second time) it shows the first shot of her eyes and nose. She has oxygen tubes running to her nose. The tubes are over top of her eyes, but when the camera zooms out the tubes are nowhere near her eyes. Then it zooms back in and the tubes are at her eyes again, and so on.
2. When Edward drops Bella off at the police station on the way back from Port Angeles, she doesn't have her bag, which contained the book she picked up from the book store that she uses later on to research the "cold ones".
3. In the ballet studio, James clearly breaks Bella's right leg. However, in the hospital, Bella's right leg is not covered by the blankets and reveals only bandaging on her thigh; her left leg is covered and appears to be straight and in a cast. In the following scene (prom), it's her right leg in a cast.
4. In the scene where Edward and Bella are on the rocks and Bella asks Edward if anyone else in his family can read minds too. Bella has mittens on and in the next shot they are off and laying in her lap.
5. In the baseball scene, Rosalie's hair changes between shots. In some, her hair is shown to be neatly curled, in other shots, it is shown to have lost its curl almost in its entirety, and so on. (A girl would immediately recognize this.)
6. When Bella is in the forest to confront Edward on who he is the flap on his right shoulder of the jacket Edward is wearing is buttoned down, in the following scene, unbuttoned, then buttoned again.
7. In the meadow scene, Edward and Bella are lying very closely together at first, but when the shot switches, they are suddenly quite a bit farther apart even though they appear not to have moved.
8. When Charlie is telling Bella that the security guard had been killed by the "animal," you can clearly hear that it is raining but neither Bella nor Charlie are getting wet and no rain can be seen.
9. During the Ballet Studio scene, when some of the Cullens arrive to help Edward fight James we see Emmett, Alice & Jasper jump from a balcony to the ground below. In the wide shot we see Alice land while the other two are still falling, but then in the next shot we see all three of them land at the same time.
10. Throughout the film, dark roots on Rosalie's would show in one scene and then disappear in another due to the fact Nikki Reed's is naturally very dark instead of blonde.
11. When Bella confronts Edward, her red book bag on the left of the screen seems to flip and move around in different shots on the scene.
12. At the prom Bella and Edward see Jessica and Mike. Bella motions to Jessica then they turn and walk away with their backs facing them. Bella and Edward walk through the crowd, seeing Tyler dancing, then they see Angela and Eric. When the scene comes back to Bella and Edward you can clearly see Jessica dancing right behind them even though she would have been on the other side of the room.
13. When Jacob confronts Bella at the prom scene she is shown in just her dress. A couple of shots later when Edward cuts in, she has a sweater on.
There are other horrible special effects throughout the film, such as when they make Edward run really fast and it looks as though he is a road runner. Also, the vampire's makeup looks like pancake batter.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Exhibit 2
Hopefully, exhibit one has shown that men (even ones that girls find attractive somehow) are the ugliest things on the planet. I'll admit it. That's why I like girls. I will eternally thank my wife someday for making the sacrifice of being with a man, of all creatures, for the rest of her existence.
Our next set of evidence could very well be my last if I don't be careful, as it deals with the emotions and psychological quirks of that gender. Yes, I will delve into unknown territory. I will venture into the places where man has never so much as touched without getting horribly scarred: the woman mind.
Exhibit 2
To make it simple, I will let these girls show for themselves that they are brainwashed. The following are quotes (testimonies) of real women (and an occasional man) referring to the series...notice how horrible their grammar is - apparantly they skipped English class to go to the Twilight showings. I realize there are a lot of quotes here but I had to show that this wasn't really a minority...this problem is widespread. I may comment here and there in italics...
Cara McNiel (UNI) wroteat 8:02am
So I reserved my copy of the movie...which appparently comes out in MARCH!! and i got a cardboard cut out of edward :)
Elizabeth Stanley (Sparsholt College) wroteat 6:25am
If i can truely find my own Edward i want to be turned into a vampire straight away
Christo-Gail Cullen-Bronson (Chicago, IL) wroteat 8:02pm yesterday
everyone ive got to start it loves it! they just have to pick it up! Like they CAN'T control themselves...sounds like they've been brainwashed....i talked my bestfriend into going to see it from across the country...which was oober difficult cuz she's ridiculously stubborn but she went and now shes obsessed she went home after the movie and ordered all the books off ebay lol
Antonella Baldassarre wroteat 12:00pm yesterday
i wish to find someone like Edward..in the meantime..Keep searching:)
Charlotte Whittle wroteat 11:20am yesterday
I wish i had a boyfriend like Edward...it would be amazing 2 have a guy exactly like him!its so NOT fair.
Elizabeth Jaro wroteat 10:47pm on December 20th, 2008
omg i cant believe he cut his hair.im reading the series for the 12th time now. Ive kept all the movie stubs of going to the show and ive gone 23 times already! Im going again in a few hours alone cuz noone else will go wit me anymore!
Chelsea Krebs (UCF) wroteat 9:29am on December 20th, 2008
Haha, that was my first thought after reading 'Twilight' last week - that now I might not be able to settle for anything less than Edward Cullen.
Becca Monachelli (Wheatley School) wroteat 11:19pm on December 19th, 2008
Just read New Moon, that took me 2 months to read... ha and i'm dislexic. There is nooone like Edward! Does anyone know where he lives? Creeeepy
Jessica Jackson (Mississippi State) wroteat 6:27pm on December 19th, 2008
I HAVE A BACKGROUND OF EDWARD ON MY PC SO THAT EVERYDAY I'LL SEE HIS FACE AND REMEMBER WHAT IT IS THAT I (AND EVERY GIRL) TRULY DESERVE...AHHHH lOVE lOVE lOVE EDWARD =) (Stay away from me Jessica)
Malaika Ali wroteat 7:24pm on December 19th, 2008
My relationship did NOT survive an Edward Cullen encounter lol
Renee Montgomery (Timken Senior High School) wroteat 9:13pm on December 19th, 2008
It's a little ridiculous how like...i compare every guy to edward now..just every line he says AMAZES me! i have my little list of my favorite edward quotes
Olivia O'Rourke wroteat 6:15pm on December 19th, 2008
My Edward will come for me someday... No he won't you're going to die single, surrounded by your 80 cats
Kyle Maiden (Bristol) wroteat 5:47pm on December 19th, 2008
It's true, my relationship seemed slightly inadequate after I read Twilight
Tressa Dawn Johnston (Edmonton, AB) wroteat 5:40pm on December 19th, 2008
my bf needs to be just like edward!!
Angelique Picanco (Concordia Canada) wroteat 1:07pm on December 19th, 2008
Bf thinks I have lost my mind and refuses to read the book for some pointers... Like standing in the corner of my room while I sleep and kissing my hair is too much to ask!! LOL...I think we need therapy (I think YOU do...)
Nicole Grint-Cullen (Panama) wroteat 6:56am on December 19th, 2008
yeah edward is awesome, i was in love witrh edward before but after midnight sun, nothing is the same.. hahaha ♥
Cathy Godin Hawley (Edmonton, AB) wroteat 9:59pm on December 18th, 2008
Hi everyone. I found this on a facebook group. I thought you would all enjoy it.cheers!"Edwrad Prayer:
Our Edward,
Who art Forks,
Hallowed be thy sparkles,
Thy Volvo comes,
thy will be fast,
On earth as it is in the meadow,
give you this day,
our daily blood,
forgive us our heartbeats,
as we worship Carlisle for giving you life,
lead us into temtation,
deliver us to you,
the music and the hotness,
aw Edward
Ummm I have no words to add.
Gaylene Kristina Page wroteat 12:32pm
im sooooooo obsessed that i went to chapters and bought EVERY kind of twilight shirt i already have ALL the posters and the host and the twilight series and i bought a twilight bag and even twilight BANDAIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhhhhh
Stephanie Fergusson (Regina, SK) wroteat 12:09pm
I love this movie so much. Edward/Robert is hott. I own the soundtrack, the whole series, and ordered shirts, sweaters, stickers...even Bella's Charm Bracelet! Call me obsessed. :P ♥ ♥ ♥ I will call you obsessed thanks
Alison Heazell (London) wroteat 5:33pm on December 20th, 2008
Just seen it and am totally smitten with Edward ! Now how am I supposed to find a man if they have to compare to Edward !!!!!!! xx just amazing !
Anastasia Kvaskova (London) wroteat 10:28am on December 20th, 2008
how hot is edward??!! the whole vampire thing too--and how he saves bella all the time!!!! HOT HOT HOT!
OK, so basically, you get the idea. These were all quotes taken from the 20th at the EARLIEST. I didn't want to throw up so I stopped there. These girls are brainwashed. Next exhibit will come tomorrow.
Our next set of evidence could very well be my last if I don't be careful, as it deals with the emotions and psychological quirks of that gender. Yes, I will delve into unknown territory. I will venture into the places where man has never so much as touched without getting horribly scarred: the woman mind.
Exhibit 2
To make it simple, I will let these girls show for themselves that they are brainwashed. The following are quotes (testimonies) of real women (and an occasional man) referring to the series...notice how horrible their grammar is - apparantly they skipped English class to go to the Twilight showings. I realize there are a lot of quotes here but I had to show that this wasn't really a minority...this problem is widespread. I may comment here and there in italics...
Cara McNiel (UNI) wroteat 8:02am
So I reserved my copy of the movie...which appparently comes out in MARCH!! and i got a cardboard cut out of edward :)
Elizabeth Stanley (Sparsholt College) wroteat 6:25am
If i can truely find my own Edward i want to be turned into a vampire straight away
Christo-Gail Cullen-Bronson (Chicago, IL) wroteat 8:02pm yesterday
everyone ive got to start it loves it! they just have to pick it up! Like they CAN'T control themselves...sounds like they've been brainwashed....i talked my bestfriend into going to see it from across the country...which was oober difficult cuz she's ridiculously stubborn but she went and now shes obsessed she went home after the movie and ordered all the books off ebay lol
Antonella Baldassarre wroteat 12:00pm yesterday
i wish to find someone like Edward..in the meantime..Keep searching:)
Charlotte Whittle wroteat 11:20am yesterday
I wish i had a boyfriend like Edward...it would be amazing 2 have a guy exactly like him!its so NOT fair.
Elizabeth Jaro wroteat 10:47pm on December 20th, 2008
omg i cant believe he cut his hair.im reading the series for the 12th time now. Ive kept all the movie stubs of going to the show and ive gone 23 times already! Im going again in a few hours alone cuz noone else will go wit me anymore!
Chelsea Krebs (UCF) wroteat 9:29am on December 20th, 2008
Haha, that was my first thought after reading 'Twilight' last week - that now I might not be able to settle for anything less than Edward Cullen.
Becca Monachelli (Wheatley School) wroteat 11:19pm on December 19th, 2008
Just read New Moon, that took me 2 months to read... ha and i'm dislexic. There is nooone like Edward! Does anyone know where he lives? Creeeepy
Jessica Jackson (Mississippi State) wroteat 6:27pm on December 19th, 2008
I HAVE A BACKGROUND OF EDWARD ON MY PC SO THAT EVERYDAY I'LL SEE HIS FACE AND REMEMBER WHAT IT IS THAT I (AND EVERY GIRL) TRULY DESERVE...AHHHH lOVE lOVE lOVE EDWARD =) (Stay away from me Jessica)
Malaika Ali wroteat 7:24pm on December 19th, 2008
My relationship did NOT survive an Edward Cullen encounter lol
Renee Montgomery (Timken Senior High School) wroteat 9:13pm on December 19th, 2008
It's a little ridiculous how like...i compare every guy to edward now..just every line he says AMAZES me! i have my little list of my favorite edward quotes
Olivia O'Rourke wroteat 6:15pm on December 19th, 2008
My Edward will come for me someday... No he won't you're going to die single, surrounded by your 80 cats
Kyle Maiden (Bristol) wroteat 5:47pm on December 19th, 2008
It's true, my relationship seemed slightly inadequate after I read Twilight
Tressa Dawn Johnston (Edmonton, AB) wroteat 5:40pm on December 19th, 2008
my bf needs to be just like edward!!
Angelique Picanco (Concordia Canada) wroteat 1:07pm on December 19th, 2008
Bf thinks I have lost my mind and refuses to read the book for some pointers... Like standing in the corner of my room while I sleep and kissing my hair is too much to ask!! LOL...I think we need therapy (I think YOU do...)
Nicole Grint-Cullen (Panama) wroteat 6:56am on December 19th, 2008
yeah edward is awesome, i was in love witrh edward before but after midnight sun, nothing is the same.. hahaha ♥
Cathy Godin Hawley (Edmonton, AB) wroteat 9:59pm on December 18th, 2008
Hi everyone. I found this on a facebook group. I thought you would all enjoy it.cheers!"Edwrad Prayer:
Our Edward,
Who art Forks,
Hallowed be thy sparkles,
Thy Volvo comes,
thy will be fast,
On earth as it is in the meadow,
give you this day,
our daily blood,
forgive us our heartbeats,
as we worship Carlisle for giving you life,
lead us into temtation,
deliver us to you,
the music and the hotness,
aw Edward
Ummm I have no words to add.
Gaylene Kristina Page wroteat 12:32pm
im sooooooo obsessed that i went to chapters and bought EVERY kind of twilight shirt i already have ALL the posters and the host and the twilight series and i bought a twilight bag and even twilight BANDAIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhhhhh
Stephanie Fergusson (Regina, SK) wroteat 12:09pm
I love this movie so much. Edward/Robert is hott. I own the soundtrack, the whole series, and ordered shirts, sweaters, stickers...even Bella's Charm Bracelet! Call me obsessed. :P ♥ ♥ ♥ I will call you obsessed thanks
Alison Heazell (London) wroteat 5:33pm on December 20th, 2008
Just seen it and am totally smitten with Edward ! Now how am I supposed to find a man if they have to compare to Edward !!!!!!! xx just amazing !
Anastasia Kvaskova (London) wroteat 10:28am on December 20th, 2008
how hot is edward??!! the whole vampire thing too--and how he saves bella all the time!!!! HOT HOT HOT!
OK, so basically, you get the idea. These were all quotes taken from the 20th at the EARLIEST. I didn't want to throw up so I stopped there. These girls are brainwashed. Next exhibit will come tomorrow.
Exhibit One
So, I wondered to myself, "What IS a vampire anyway?"...so I went to the Bible Dictionary, and it says....wait....its not there....hmmmm
Myth: Edward Cullen is good looking
To those affected by this crazy craze, Edward Cullen looks like this:
Just look at that almost pornography in girl's minds:
Thoughts that probably go through girl's heads include:
1. Bite me Edward, just bite me!
2. Read MY thoughts, Edward!
3. I would give ANYTHING to spend half a movie up a tree with Edward!
I will now prove to you the many unbeautiful characteristics of our little "friend."
EXHIBIT ONE
First, let's see a picture...notice that I don't refer to this picture as almost pornography, although more skin is shown. This is due to the Cable TV Censorship law, in which naked people can be shown if they aren't enticing. The best example I can give of this is National Geo(graphic) and their tribal documentaries.
Thoughts that WOULD go through a girl's mind knowing the REAL Edward:
1. Get that armpit hair outta my face!
2. What's the deal with the tail on your head?
3. Ewww get out of my thoughts!
Now, obviously I'm not a connoisseur of men's looks. Just look at me and maybe you could tell. But I am not just going off a hunch here. This is a scientific fact, based off of a statistical survey of two girls I know. My mom and sister both said that this man looks disgusting. I later told them that this was in fact Edward Cullen, which triggered my sister's response, "Whatever Edward is way better looking than that." My sister is brainwashed as well, apparantly. I now only have more drive to cure this disease. I love my sister and someday she should be married to a man.
Other reasons this "man" is really unattractive:
1. A recent biomedicine study found that smokers tend to have pale and unhealthy skin due to poor circulation.
2. A New York Times Article explains that "tan" is the new phenomenon. While pale skin generally doesn't mean unhealthy skin, tan is idolized as healthy and glamorous today.
3. It is generally known that girls want a man that can understand a woman. However, Edward constantly repeats throughout the book that he can't read her thoughts.
Myth: Edward Cullen is good looking
To those affected by this crazy craze, Edward Cullen looks like this:
Just look at that almost pornography in girl's minds:
Thoughts that probably go through girl's heads include:
1. Bite me Edward, just bite me!
2. Read MY thoughts, Edward!
3. I would give ANYTHING to spend half a movie up a tree with Edward!
I will now prove to you the many unbeautiful characteristics of our little "friend."
EXHIBIT ONE
First, let's see a picture...notice that I don't refer to this picture as almost pornography, although more skin is shown. This is due to the Cable TV Censorship law, in which naked people can be shown if they aren't enticing. The best example I can give of this is National Geo(graphic) and their tribal documentaries.
Thoughts that WOULD go through a girl's mind knowing the REAL Edward:
1. Get that armpit hair outta my face!
2. What's the deal with the tail on your head?
3. Ewww get out of my thoughts!
Now, obviously I'm not a connoisseur of men's looks. Just look at me and maybe you could tell. But I am not just going off a hunch here. This is a scientific fact, based off of a statistical survey of two girls I know. My mom and sister both said that this man looks disgusting. I later told them that this was in fact Edward Cullen, which triggered my sister's response, "Whatever Edward is way better looking than that." My sister is brainwashed as well, apparantly. I now only have more drive to cure this disease. I love my sister and someday she should be married to a man.
Other reasons this "man" is really unattractive:
1. A recent biomedicine study found that smokers tend to have pale and unhealthy skin due to poor circulation.
2. A New York Times Article explains that "tan" is the new phenomenon. While pale skin generally doesn't mean unhealthy skin, tan is idolized as healthy and glamorous today.
3. It is generally known that girls want a man that can understand a woman. However, Edward constantly repeats throughout the book that he can't read her thoughts.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Twilight is Darkness With a TEENY bit of Light That Attracts Women and Deceives Them...
O.K. people...it is time for the truth.
Thomas S. Monson said:
We live in perilous times; the signs are all around us. At times television and movies portray worldly and immoral heroes and heroines and attempt to hold up as role models some actors and actresses whose lives are anything but exemplary.
Now, President Monson MAY not have been referring to the recent teen craze that swarms the valley, but if members can call Coca-Cola against the word of wisdom, I can make a case against Twilight. I predict that the Strength of the Youth pamphlet will one day have a section about being realistic and keeping our imagination in check. I realize the perils I face in angering the girl world all around me, but feel an inner duty to rise to the occasion and declare the truth:
Twilight is a brainwasher.
I consider myself fortunate to know this; to be able to get so close to it without being completely infested by its disease. This disease, however, must be eradicated if we are going to keep the human race alive. It all began with a Facebook group created by Scott Applegate which revealed much of this current social issue which could one day bring down our wonderful country and its ideals.
Men, have you ever been with a group of girls when the name "Edward" was brought up? Did you spend the next 30 minutes taking a verbal pounding for not being perfect like he is? Did you once think you were charming, handsome, a complete ladies' man before this vampiric entity came on the scene and destroyed this self image? Are you sick of competing with Edward Cullen? Well, this is where the TRUTH will be revealed about our perfect little "friend." It may shock you:
EDWARD CULLEN IS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER!! Honestly, he is a male character in a book series for women written by a woman! Of course he will be perfect! Please, if you are real man, take a stand. Help bring our lady friends back to earth because, truthfully, the race can't progenerate with an imaginary heartthrob.
In the next few days, I will demonstrate examples (evidence) of how people have been brainwashed by this poison. Recently, I heard that the author of the series may create the whole nightmare over again but from EDWARD'S point of view. Which will be just as far-fetched as the previous books, except she will go as far as try and ASSUME she knows what goes on in a boy's brain. Which isn't possible, obviously - otherwise, women would have figured out by now a cure for the addiction I have to sports.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Delving into my brain...
Lately, a lot of things have happened in the news, my life, etc. For example, after dropping off some friends the other night, I saw some people parking in a dark corner of BYU. They were obviously making out. I said out loud to myself, "Man, I SO wanna be making out right now." This is something that most ppl will never see of me unless I show it, be it for good or bad. I thought I'd share what I think when I first see things:
First, Plaxico Burress. If you are reading the story on what is going on with this Giants wide receiver, you probably think, "Man I wonder what questions he has in going on in his head right now." Some questions I think we should all ask ourselves:
- Is the poor guy okay?
- How did he accidentaly shoot himself in the leg?
- Why did he need a gun to go clubbing?
- Why was he packing heat without a concealed weapons permit?
- How long will he be suspended?
- Is his career over? With his record, will any team besides the Cowboys even take him?
- Will he go to jail?
But the biggest question of all:
8. Who dreamed up the name "Plaxico"?
Next...
I recently found a picture book for little kids at my house and began reading it. Let me show you some of the pictures...
You get the idea. Until....
HUH!??!?!!?
Laslty, maybe some of you noticed that in Spanish Fork a few weeks back or so, near Arby's on Highway 6, there was a little addition to the scenery....Two jet wings.
....Ok, ummmmm.......what are you doing there? Do you need a parking permit for that? Are they just so big that you can leave them wherever and not worry about anybody stealing them? What would happen if I were to go up to one and try some terrorist act by unscrewing a part? Why don't they just make the jet wings in the same place they make the rest of the plane? Why Spanish Fork? Did the truck drivers transporting them just up and quit their jobs when they hit the bottom of the hill?
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