Exhibit One

So, I wondered to myself, "What IS a vampire anyway?"...so I went to the Bible Dictionary, and it says....wait....its not there....hmmmm

Myth: Edward Cullen is good looking


To those affected by this crazy craze, Edward Cullen looks like this:

Just look at that almost pornography in girl's minds:



Thoughts that probably go through girl's heads include:
1. Bite me Edward, just bite me!
2. Read MY thoughts, Edward!
3. I would give ANYTHING to spend half a movie up a tree with Edward!

I will now prove to you the many unbeautiful characteristics of our little "friend."

EXHIBIT ONE

First, let's see a picture...notice that I don't refer to this picture as almost pornography, although more skin is shown. This is due to the Cable TV Censorship law, in which naked people can be shown if they aren't enticing. The best example I can give of this is National Geo(graphic) and their tribal documentaries.




Thoughts that WOULD go through a girl's mind knowing the REAL Edward:
1. Get that armpit hair outta my face!
2. What's the deal with the tail on your head?
3. Ewww get out of my thoughts!

Now, obviously I'm not a connoisseur of men's looks. Just look at me and maybe you could tell. But I am not just going off a hunch here. This is a scientific fact, based off of a statistical survey of two girls I know. My mom and sister both said that this man looks disgusting. I later told them that this was in fact Edward Cullen, which triggered my sister's response, "Whatever Edward is way better looking than that." My sister is brainwashed as well, apparantly. I now only have more drive to cure this disease. I love my sister and someday she should be married to a man.

Other reasons this "man" is really unattractive:
1. A recent biomedicine study found that smokers tend to have pale and unhealthy skin due to poor circulation.
2. A New York Times Article explains that "tan" is the new phenomenon. While pale skin generally doesn't mean unhealthy skin, tan is idolized as healthy and glamorous today.
3. It is generally known that girls want a man that can understand a woman. However, Edward constantly repeats throughout the book that he can't read her thoughts.