A letter to Boise State fans on their "Broncoboard"

As the newest convert to Bronco nation, I would like to reach out and help some of my new brothers and sisters understand the AP poll results that came out this morning. I get that you might be feeling confused and angry that somehow BYU has jumped us in the rankings. Never fear, it is understandable that you may feel this way. The polls incorporate several concepts that are not generally well understood at BSU, such as "math", "history", and "geography", while omitting more familiar themes such as "truck driving", "vending machine repair", and "recreational drug use".

Let's start with history. As Travis has pointed out, BSU is 2-0 against BYU, so you would think that would mean that BSU would HAVE to be ranked ahead of BYU. Also it has been pointed out the BSU also beat Oklahoma. However, hold on to your orange hats here, those games occurred in what is referred to in scientific terms as the "past". Remember how before the sun came up lots of times before, our Basketball team used to be pretty good? Apply that concept to the BSU victories against BYU and you start to get the picture.

Next let's take math. The opponent that BYU beat was better than the opponent that BSU beat because they were ranked HIGHER. Rankings are indicated by little numbers next to teams names, but here's the tricky part, the LOWER the number, the higher they were ranked. Think of it this way. When you get pulled over for DUI and the officer asks you to blow in the little hose, the LOWER the number is, the better the chances that you don't have to spend the night in jail. Now you're getting it!!!!!!

Finally, geography. BSU's win was what we call a "home" game. These are easy to identify because the game is played on a large blue gymnasium mat and someone informs you how to dress. As opposed to a "road" game where you have to take a greyhound bus or Southwest flight to reach the stadium and then make the difficult decision of which of your 17 orange-themed shirts go best with your cut-offs and flip-flops. If you are fortunate, this "road" game may take place somewhere along your current long-haul truck route, and you can sleep in the stadium parking lot.

Facebook statuses make me emotional

...on a side note, the word "statuses" is a really weird word. I had to look it up. Find me another time when you'd use that word in the plural tense.

Anyway, I have seen a lot of problems with people's statuses lately. Here are a few:

(Someone) is home from Washington..now to catch up on my homework she put off all weekend.
What in the world? This person has a clone doing homework for her that goes by her name. And the clone was in Washington supposedly?!?...I'm so confused. Please clear this up for me.

(Someone)is going to bed now. her computer is having issues and im sick of it really.
Once again, someone with schizophrenia is writing on her status or something

(Someone) just ate a sandwich
Man if everyone put down something on their facebook about everything they've eaten...and if it was a special sandwich you should have said so

(Someone) is DEFINANTLY not understanding you're attitude lately
I have so many problems with this one. Someone DEFINITELY skipped all of her English classes throughout school. "Your/You're," "There/Their/They're," etc. have different meanings guys. You can't just pick the one you like. It made me cringe just to write the quoted status with so many errors. Also, WHO are you talking to? The worst thing of all statuses is the fact that so many pronounce to the world some kind of information that they want to keep confidential! What the...?!?!?

OK, I'm done. Whew. I now propose that spell check be placed on Facebook.