Psychology 101

The other day, I was listening to the radio and there was a Doctor (a psychologist) taking phone calls to answer questions about Seasonal Depression. I realize this is and could be a serious problem for some. Apparantly, it is a problem for many. People spend a fourth of their lives (Winters) depressed. They go to the doctor and get "light therapy." That is just sad. After extensive research within myself and talking to pessimistic people at school, I have found some of the main causes of this seasonal depression:

1. The holidays are over
2. School begins
3. Taxes need to be filed
4. Valentine's Day is coming up, and you don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend
5. Snow is everywhere on the road threatening to slide your car into a ditch
6. It takes 10-15 extra minutes to get anywhere because of the snow and overcautious drivers
7. Whenever the sun comes out, it seems to be even colder 0utside than usual. (this has something to do with something called an inversion)
8. You feel like you have overspent on things and that feeling of guilt has swept over you
9. New Years Resolutions (one more chance to fail at something, right?)
10. You probably gained about 20 pounds or more over the break (unless you are special like me)
11. There are limited things to do and limited ways to exercise and get that extra weight off. (swimming, hiking, running outside, folk dancing are all out of the question

Combined, these events create an overpowering sense of inadequacy. Year after year the same feeling comes when January rolls around. So our brains decide that for the next three months life is miserable. We train ourselves into misery. And...TADA! You have seasonal depression.

For all of you out there that talked to Dr. Zchalafifanvadsfjlvich on the radio yesterday, I have some real life suggestions for how you can get rid of seasonal depression:

TIP NUMBER 1: Sometimes when working at SESD we would get idiot callers wondering why their electricity bill had gone up so much. They didn't realize that having their trailer hooked up to an outlet for 30 days straight used power I guess. Anyway, when you get a bill like this, it sure can't help you keep a positive outlook on life:

Who left the fridge open?

The answer: During the holidays, stop trying your best to look like morons by hiking your electricity bill up:

Christmas isn't about looking ridiculous anyway.

TIP NUMBER 2: Traveling is much harder in the winter, especially near Provo where students from Florida are sticking their heads out of their windows, trying to catch snowflakes on their tongues (while driving). Our solution to getting places in the winter without it ruining your day and time: Buy new tires-

I know I look sad but I'm really just trying to look cool/Mexican.

New tires run around $500. That's half of what you saved on your power bill anyway, so it shouldn't be too big of an issue.

TIP NUMBER 3: Get a boyfriend/girlfriend. I don't have much advice for guys on getting a girlfriend, considering I haven't qualified myself as an expert in that department. However, there are many things a girl can do to assure a catch - maybe in time for Valentine's Day! YAY!:

1. Shave your upper lip. A smooth upper lip makes for easier kissing. You don't want things to progress that far and then come crashing down because of some fuzz! Wax if you have to. This is essential to your happiness.

2. Don't talk about your depression in front of your prey (the boy). The boy will either run or use you since you seem to be willing to do anything to be happy.

3. Be a little more forward. Boys like girls. A LOT. You are not likely to be shut down. Run your hand through his hair (find someone who isn't a grease ball), squeeze his tushie, etc.

4. Don't mention boys that you have crushes on while you are on a date with a guy you have a crush on. People you shouldn't mention might include: His best friend, your best friend, Brad Pitt, and Edward.

Now you can be happy! You owe me $100 for reading my psychological advice.