La Gratitud

Lately, I've been feeling really happy for no particular reason. I've recently gone over my journal and realized how grateful I am and SHOULD be for the things I went through there. I remember one specific experience when I was serving as a Branch President in a little town in Mexico. A younger couple wanted to talk to me. As soon as they came in you could tell that they couldn't stand each other in that moment. The wife went on to tell me how her husband was the person she least wanted to see each day. The husband told me that his wife was ugly and a bad homemaker. All I could think of the whole time was, "WOW! I sure am glad my parents at least PRETEND to like me! I really want a wife someday that can at least PRETEND to love me even when upset, and that I can do the same..."

My mission was incredible. I didn't have to knock on ONE door. The people were so ready, they came to us. Or we would contact them on the bus between appointments. Many times people would come up to us and ask, "What do I have to do to become a member of your church?" I am so grateful for a merciful Heavenly Father that is mindful of all of His children. He trusts so much in us that he is willing to let people, even as me, to be His servants. His arm is extended to me all the time, regardless of my mistakes and shortcomings. I have seen His this power in some incredible people I have met recently. I hear stories of people's dark pasts and see the lights in their eyes now. I see that they have changed because the Lord never gave up on them. It shows that I cannot judge people for who they are now, but whot they can become.

So why do I allow myself to get down on myself? Why do I live in the future instead of aspiring for it? It seems that the world nowadays thinks only in how great their lives will be when something happens for them in the future. I will be happy when the semester ends, when the weekend comes, when I graduate, when I find my true love, when I go on my mission, when I turn 16 (or 18 or 19 or 21), when I have kids, when I STOP having kids, when I have grandkids, when my work schedule clears up, when my parents give me some freedom, when the economy gets better, when I enter the temple, when I see my lover again, when I get my own car, when I get a house, when I've paid off my house, when I retire, when BYU beats University of Utah on November 22nd....instead of dreading today while looking forward to tomorrow, I should live for today and look ahead optimistically to tomorrow!

In the new testament, I love the parable of the pearl of great price. I know there are lots of ways to interpret it, but I like to see it one way. The scripture says that "the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant man, seeking goodly pearls: Who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had, and bought it." The merchant man is obviously an expert. He knows his trade and is able to identify those pearls that are of most worth. I like to see this parable in this way: Christ is the merchant man. We are His pearls. He is (and was) willing to buy us after selling all he had. He gave everything to buy our salvation and our souls (ye are bought with a price)....

So why do we see ourselves so differently when we look in the mirror? Why do I see myself sometimes and think things such as, "Wow kid you're skinny", or "Holy crud you could fly with those ears of yours," :) instead of thinking and seeing the person that Christ sees? If we could only see ourselves as those pearls of great price. Instead of thinking negatively, I should be thinking of the power I have as a child of GOD. I hold His Priestood. I hold more authority than the President of the United States (take that Obama!:) ). I am loved by the single most important person that has ever walked the earth, and He knows my name.

Today marks 13 years since my sister Tami died. I wonder often what she would be like. I'm sure she'd have kids by now. Her pictures are all over our house, reminding me of her sweet smile and her kind and caring nature. I wonder what SHE thought about life and the world in general as she knew that she was on the verge of death. Did her perspective on herself change into the one that Christ had on her? Did she see herself through Christ's eyes? I really want to think so.

There is so much to be happy about in life! I know who I am and what I want. I am confident that the promises the Lord has given me will happen as long as I am faithful.