Well folks, the new issue of the Ensign has come out. This time: General Conference talks.

Sometimes I have a feeling that General Authorities are a little overzealous in their attempts to be funny or to keep our attention. I don't know if any of you remember, but a few years ago, before my mission I think, President Hinckley challenged someone to a duel in the basement. The place erupted into laughter. Then later on in the session, a seventy got up and challenged President Hinckley to a duel to begin his talk.... Nobody laughed. Another one: I can't remember when it was, but it was before my mission. To close Priesthood session, the man who gave the closing prayer mentioned how much we "love President Kimball." It must have been kind of awkward for him to open his eyes and go over and shake President HINCKLEY's hand lol. The following are my top 5 of quotes that I will never forget:

October 2005. Cheryl C. Lant when talking of children said, "Sometimes I have the luxury of immersing myself in the scriptures. Sometimes I read them in snatches. However, it doesn’t seem to matter where or when I read the scriptures; I can still carry them in my heart."

I listened to this in English while in Mexico. All I could think about was how they were going to be able to change the word "snatches", which probably isn't even a word in English, into Spanish.

April 2002. Spencer J. Condie advised the youth of the Church in his talk: "You young men will grow in stature and physical strength as you engage in folk dancing, sports, and wholesome, friendly athletic competition characterized by good sportsmanship."

Folk dancing? Folk dancing? I've NEVER known a young man to grow in stature and physical strength from folk dancing. Then again, my legs are skinnier than most guy's biceps, so I guess I can't speak from experience.

October 2007. Douglas L. Callister said in his talk that "Brigham Young said of Orson Pratt: 'If Brother Orson were chopped in inch pieces, each piece would cry out: "Mormonism is true."
Okay, that is the weirdest thing I've heard in a long time. There's no way you can spin that to make it sound better. It's just weird. And gross. If you chopped me in inch pieces, each piece would cry out: "Don't quote me in a talk."

October 2002. Colleen Menlove began her talk by exclaiming: "I like exclamation marks!"

Okay. How odd. And probably very difficult again for the foreign language translators to work with during the live broadcast. I don't have a favorite punctuation mark but I'm open to changing that. That comma really is amazing.

April 2001. Carol B. Thomas encouraged parents in her talk to "teach our children to go through their closets regularly and share their clothing while it is still in style, allowing others to dress fashionably too."

I think we all know that you don't go to DI or Salvation Army to buy fashionable clothing. (Unless pit stains and Halloween costumes are the new craze with the youngsters). Of course, maybe that's because we're not encouraging our children often enough to donate their clothing while it's still in style.

Of course, the points of their talks were wonderful. I can't have a top 10 in my favorite spiritual quotes - it would be tough to come by, due to the fact that every conference is so full of powerful, spiritual witnesses. But none will keep you awake better than the weird, awkward statements made in these same conferences. Let me know if you remember any funny, awkward moments of General Conference.