Exhibit 2

Hopefully, exhibit one has shown that men (even ones that girls find attractive somehow) are the ugliest things on the planet. I'll admit it. That's why I like girls. I will eternally thank my wife someday for making the sacrifice of being with a man, of all creatures, for the rest of her existence.

Our next set of evidence could very well be my last if I don't be careful, as it deals with the emotions and psychological quirks of that gender. Yes, I will delve into unknown territory. I will venture into the places where man has never so much as touched without getting horribly scarred: the woman mind.

Exhibit 2

To make it simple, I will let these girls show for themselves that they are brainwashed. The following are quotes (testimonies) of real women (and an occasional man) referring to the series...notice how horrible their grammar is - apparantly they skipped English class to go to the Twilight showings. I realize there are a lot of quotes here but I had to show that this wasn't really a minority...this problem is widespread. I may comment here and there in italics...

Cara McNiel (UNI) wroteat 8:02am
So I reserved my copy of the movie...which appparently comes out in MARCH!! and i got a cardboard cut out of edward :)

Elizabeth Stanley (Sparsholt College) wroteat 6:25am
If i can truely find my own Edward i want to be turned into a vampire straight away

Christo-Gail Cullen-Bronson (Chicago, IL) wroteat 8:02pm yesterday
everyone ive got to start it loves it! they just have to pick it up! Like they CAN'T control themselves...sounds like they've been brainwashed....i talked my bestfriend into going to see it from across the country...which was oober difficult cuz she's ridiculously stubborn but she went and now shes obsessed she went home after the movie and ordered all the books off ebay lol

Antonella Baldassarre wroteat 12:00pm yesterday
i wish to find someone like Edward..in the meantime..Keep searching:)

Charlotte Whittle wroteat 11:20am yesterday
I wish i had a boyfriend like Edward...it would be amazing 2 have a guy exactly like him!its so NOT fair.

Elizabeth Jaro wroteat 10:47pm on December 20th, 2008
omg i cant believe he cut his hair.im reading the series for the 12th time now. Ive kept all the movie stubs of going to the show and ive gone 23 times already! Im going again in a few hours alone cuz noone else will go wit me anymore!

Chelsea Krebs (UCF) wroteat 9:29am on December 20th, 2008
Haha, that was my first thought after reading 'Twilight' last week - that now I might not be able to settle for anything less than Edward Cullen.

Becca Monachelli (Wheatley School) wroteat 11:19pm on December 19th, 2008
Just read New Moon, that took me 2 months to read... ha and i'm dislexic. There is nooone like Edward! Does anyone know where he lives? Creeeepy

Jessica Jackson (Mississippi State) wroteat 6:27pm on December 19th, 2008
I HAVE A BACKGROUND OF EDWARD ON MY PC SO THAT EVERYDAY I'LL SEE HIS FACE AND REMEMBER WHAT IT IS THAT I (AND EVERY GIRL) TRULY DESERVE...AHHHH lOVE lOVE lOVE EDWARD =) (Stay away from me Jessica)

Malaika Ali wroteat 7:24pm on December 19th, 2008
My relationship did NOT survive an Edward Cullen encounter lol

Renee Montgomery (Timken Senior High School) wroteat 9:13pm on December 19th, 2008
It's a little ridiculous how like...i compare every guy to edward now..just every line he says AMAZES me! i have my little list of my favorite edward quotes

Olivia O'Rourke wroteat 6:15pm on December 19th, 2008
My Edward will come for me someday... No he won't you're going to die single, surrounded by your 80 cats

Kyle Maiden (Bristol) wroteat 5:47pm on December 19th, 2008
It's true, my relationship seemed slightly inadequate after I read Twilight

Tressa Dawn Johnston (Edmonton, AB) wroteat 5:40pm on December 19th, 2008
my bf needs to be just like edward!!

Angelique Picanco (Concordia Canada) wroteat 1:07pm on December 19th, 2008
Bf thinks I have lost my mind and refuses to read the book for some pointers... Like standing in the corner of my room while I sleep and kissing my hair is too much to ask!! LOL...I think we need therapy (I think YOU do...)

Nicole Grint-Cullen (Panama) wroteat 6:56am on December 19th, 2008
yeah edward is awesome, i was in love witrh edward before but after midnight sun, nothing is the same.. hahaha ♥

Cathy Godin Hawley (Edmonton, AB) wroteat 9:59pm on December 18th, 2008
Hi everyone. I found this on a facebook group. I thought you would all enjoy it.cheers!"Edwrad Prayer:
Our Edward,
Who art Forks,
Hallowed be thy sparkles,
Thy Volvo comes,
thy will be fast,
On earth as it is in the meadow,
give you this day,
our daily blood,
forgive us our heartbeats,
as we worship Carlisle for giving you life,
lead us into temtation,
deliver us to you,
the music and the hotness,
aw Edward
Ummm I have no words to add.
Gaylene Kristina Page wroteat 12:32pm
im sooooooo obsessed that i went to chapters and bought EVERY kind of twilight shirt i already have ALL the posters and the host and the twilight series and i bought a twilight bag and even twilight BANDAIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhhhhh

Stephanie Fergusson (Regina, SK) wroteat 12:09pm
I love this movie so much. Edward/Robert is hott. I own the soundtrack, the whole series, and ordered shirts, sweaters, stickers...even Bella's Charm Bracelet! Call me obsessed. :P ♥ ♥ ♥ I will call you obsessed thanks

Alison Heazell (London) wroteat 5:33pm on December 20th, 2008
Just seen it and am totally smitten with Edward ! Now how am I supposed to find a man if they have to compare to Edward !!!!!!! xx just amazing !

Anastasia Kvaskova (London) wroteat 10:28am on December 20th, 2008
how hot is edward??!! the whole vampire thing too--and how he saves bella all the time!!!! HOT HOT HOT!

OK, so basically, you get the idea. These were all quotes taken from the 20th at the EARLIEST. I didn't want to throw up so I stopped there. These girls are brainwashed. Next exhibit will come tomorrow.

Exhibit One

So, I wondered to myself, "What IS a vampire anyway?"...so I went to the Bible Dictionary, and it says....wait....its not there....hmmmm

Myth: Edward Cullen is good looking


To those affected by this crazy craze, Edward Cullen looks like this:

Just look at that almost pornography in girl's minds:



Thoughts that probably go through girl's heads include:
1. Bite me Edward, just bite me!
2. Read MY thoughts, Edward!
3. I would give ANYTHING to spend half a movie up a tree with Edward!

I will now prove to you the many unbeautiful characteristics of our little "friend."

EXHIBIT ONE

First, let's see a picture...notice that I don't refer to this picture as almost pornography, although more skin is shown. This is due to the Cable TV Censorship law, in which naked people can be shown if they aren't enticing. The best example I can give of this is National Geo(graphic) and their tribal documentaries.




Thoughts that WOULD go through a girl's mind knowing the REAL Edward:
1. Get that armpit hair outta my face!
2. What's the deal with the tail on your head?
3. Ewww get out of my thoughts!

Now, obviously I'm not a connoisseur of men's looks. Just look at me and maybe you could tell. But I am not just going off a hunch here. This is a scientific fact, based off of a statistical survey of two girls I know. My mom and sister both said that this man looks disgusting. I later told them that this was in fact Edward Cullen, which triggered my sister's response, "Whatever Edward is way better looking than that." My sister is brainwashed as well, apparantly. I now only have more drive to cure this disease. I love my sister and someday she should be married to a man.

Other reasons this "man" is really unattractive:
1. A recent biomedicine study found that smokers tend to have pale and unhealthy skin due to poor circulation.
2. A New York Times Article explains that "tan" is the new phenomenon. While pale skin generally doesn't mean unhealthy skin, tan is idolized as healthy and glamorous today.
3. It is generally known that girls want a man that can understand a woman. However, Edward constantly repeats throughout the book that he can't read her thoughts.

Twilight is Darkness With a TEENY bit of Light That Attracts Women and Deceives Them...

O.K. people...it is time for the truth.

Thomas S. Monson said:

We live in perilous times; the signs are all around us. At times television and movies portray worldly and immoral heroes and heroines and attempt to hold up as role models some actors and actresses whose lives are anything but exemplary.

Now, President Monson MAY not have been referring to the recent teen craze that swarms the valley, but if members can call Coca-Cola against the word of wisdom, I can make a case against Twilight. I predict that the Strength of the Youth pamphlet will one day have a section about being realistic and keeping our imagination in check. I realize the perils I face in angering the girl world all around me, but feel an inner duty to rise to the occasion and declare the truth:

Twilight is a brainwasher.

I consider myself fortunate to know this; to be able to get so close to it without being completely infested by its disease. This disease, however, must be eradicated if we are going to keep the human race alive. It all began with a Facebook group created by Scott Applegate which revealed much of this current social issue which could one day bring down our wonderful country and its ideals.

Men, have you ever been with a group of girls when the name "Edward" was brought up? Did you spend the next 30 minutes taking a verbal pounding for not being perfect like he is? Did you once think you were charming, handsome, a complete ladies' man before this vampiric entity came on the scene and destroyed this self image? Are you sick of competing with Edward Cullen? Well, this is where the TRUTH will be revealed about our perfect little "friend." It may shock you:

EDWARD CULLEN IS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER!! Honestly, he is a male character in a book series for women written by a woman! Of course he will be perfect! Please, if you are real man, take a stand. Help bring our lady friends back to earth because, truthfully, the race can't progenerate with an imaginary heartthrob.

In the next few days, I will demonstrate examples (evidence) of how people have been brainwashed by this poison. Recently, I heard that the author of the series may create the whole nightmare over again but from EDWARD'S point of view. Which will be just as far-fetched as the previous books, except she will go as far as try and ASSUME she knows what goes on in a boy's brain. Which isn't possible, obviously - otherwise, women would have figured out by now a cure for the addiction I have to sports.

Delving into my brain...

Lately, a lot of things have happened in the news, my life, etc. For example, after dropping off some friends the other night, I saw some people parking in a dark corner of BYU. They were obviously making out. I said out loud to myself, "Man, I SO wanna be making out right now." This is something that most ppl will never see of me unless I show it, be it for good or bad. I thought I'd share what I think when I first see things:

First, Plaxico Burress. If you are reading the story on what is going on with this Giants wide receiver, you probably think, "Man I wonder what questions he has in going on in his head right now." Some questions I think we should all ask ourselves:

1. Is the poor guy okay?
2. How did he accidentaly shoot himself in the leg?
3. Why did he need a gun to go clubbing?
4. Why was he packing heat without a concealed weapons permit?
5. How long will he be suspended?
6. Is his career over? With his record, will any team besides the Cowboys even take him?
7. Will he go to jail?

But the biggest question of all:

8. Who dreamed up the name "Plaxico"?

Next...
I recently found a picture book for little kids at my house and began reading it. Let me show you some of the pictures...

You get the idea. Until....

HUH!??!?!!?

Laslty, maybe some of you noticed that in Spanish Fork a few weeks back or so, near Arby's on Highway 6, there was a little addition to the scenery....Two jet wings.

....Ok, ummmmm.......what are you doing there? Do you need a parking permit for that? Are they just so big that you can leave them wherever and not worry about anybody stealing them? What would happen if I were to go up to one and try some terrorist act by unscrewing a part? Why don't they just make the jet wings in the same place they make the rest of the plane? Why Spanish Fork? Did the truck drivers transporting them just up and quit their jobs when they hit the bottom of the hill?

Time to Make a Stand...

I find it very inspiring that in October of 1978 Neal A. Maxwell would say something so prophetic for what's going on in our time:

"Make no mistake about it, brothers and sisters, in the months and years ahead,
events are likely to require each member to decide whether or not he will follow
the First Presidency. Members will find it more difficult to halt longer between two opinions. President Marion G. Romney said, many years ago, that he had never hesitated to follow the counsel of the Authorities of the Church even though it crossed my social, professional or political life..'

"This is hard doctrine, but it is particularly vital doctrine in a society which is becoming more wicked. In short, brothers and sisters, not being ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ includes not being ashamed of the prophets of Jesus Christ. . . .
Your discipleship may see the time when such religious convictions are discounted. . . This new irreligious imperialism seeks to disallow certain opinions simply because those opinions grow out of religious convictions.

"Resistance to abortion will be seen as primitive. Concern over the institution of the family will be viewed as untrendy and unenlightened....

"Before the ultimate victory of the forces of righteousness, some skirmishes will be lost. Even in these, however, let us leave a record so that the choices are clear, letting others do as they will in the face of prophetic counsel.

"There will also be times, happily, when a minor defeat seems probable, but others will step forward, having been rallied to rightness by what we do. We will know the joy, on occasion, of having awakened a slumbering majority of the decent people of
all races and creeds which was, till then, unconscious of itself.

"Jesus said that when the fig trees put forth their leaves, 'summer is
nigh.' Thus warned that summer is upon us, let us not then complain of the
heat."

Obviously, Proposition 8, abortion rights, and other "civil liberties" which are being created, which never have existed before, come to mind. But there's more to it than that. Are we willing to follow the prophet when he says to have food storage for our families? When he tells us to go home and visiting teaching? When he asks us to keep the Sabbath day holy? When he asks us to magnify a calling? Am I willing to "follow the counsel of the Authorities of the Church even though it crossed my social, professional or political life"? This just may be my answer to elevating myself to a new spiritual level...

...And the Elder's Quorum Presidency!

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Merry Christmas from the Andersons!

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Max Hall Turnovers

I am so disappointed. I'm still a BYU fan, but jeez louise! Eat your heart out U of U:

My Insides Are Revealed (Not as graphic as you might guess)

Spencer the poet, at IHOP


So...I started writing poetry. In Spanish.
...
AND all 3 people that have ever looked at my blog don't know Spanish. So I decided to show how horrible Google Translator is by putting the poem in Spanish, followed by the "translation" that Google provides (you're welcome people...you know you could just learn Spanish):

IN SPANISH:

Ay si supieras que estoy embadurnado de este misterio que eres tu…
Pero soy un ser tan quebradizo que no quiere tu respuesta.

Quisiera probar la savia que se esconde en tus labios
Y descubrir esa forma de ser que me tiene empatado
Siento que camino bajo la sombra de un arcoiris
Sin saber si la seguridad que siento sea fingida

Y ya que nos conocemos y todo,
Porque no dejamos de jugar monopolio
Y dejar nuestros planes estrategicos.
Porque hasta ahora,
por razones que a mí se me escapan
Razono conmigo lo que deberia confundir...
Entonces, atendamos razones
Y vamos a dejarnos por vencidos a este tumulto.
Por que ya quiero dejar la lucha.
Y me siento que sera mas favorable el saber
Que el huir
y Mucho mejor que el no saber mezquino que tengo ahora.
Tengo la solucion delante de las narices....

Ahi voy.
Te veo y no resisto.
Pero despues me pierdo en esos ojos.
Son tan grandes; literalmente son ojos mas grandes que los demas en el mundo.
Y succionan todo el atender del mundo alrededor.
No puedo mirar al vacio atras de ti,
Porque no hay nada atras de tu cara.
Pero no puedo quedarme con la mirada atontada,con los ojos dilatados tampoco.
"Es grosero", siempre me dijo mama.
Y como podria esconder una mirada fija en esos ojos??

Mereces la forma de regodearte con mi adulación exagerada?
Estoy feliz por casualidad y sin haber visto nada por tu parte para serlo.

Entonces sigo,
tratando de respirar cada vez que soples,
esperando sentir el ritmo de ti.
Es dificil tener una conversacion contigo asi,
mientras me enfoco en respirar
y me dedico en la direccion que dirigo los ojos,
queriendo saber si soy una cosa tuya escogida sin metodo
...un juego de azar.
O si tal vez pase lo mismo por tu mente tambien...

Thank you, thank you...and NOW (drumroll) in Google English:

Oh if you knew that I embadurnado of this mystery that is you ...
But I'ma be so brittle that you do not want your answer.

I would like to test the sap that hides in your lips
And discover that way if I had tied
I feel that way under the shadow of a rainbow
Without knowing whether the security they feel is feigned

And as we all know and,
Why do not we stop playing monopoly
And let our strategic plan.
Because so far, for reasons that escape me,
I Reason should confuse that with me ...
Then, look reasons
And we're going to let up in this turmoil.
For that I want to make the fight.
And I feel it will be more favorable to know
That the escape
and much better than not knowing that I mean now.
I have the solution in front of the nose ....

Ahi am going.
I see you and not resist.
But after I lost in those eyes.
They are so big, literally eyes are bigger than the rest in the world.
And suck all around the world meet.
I can not look at the empty back of you,
Because there is nothing behind your face.
But I can not stay with the stunning look, with eyes dilated, either.
"It's rude," mama always told me.
And as might hide a gaze into those eyes?

You deserve the way with my regodearte exaggerated adulation?
I am happy coincidence and without having seen anything of you for being so.

So I continue,
trying to breathe every time it blows,
waiting to feel the rhythm of you.
It's hard to have a conversation with you like that,
while I focus on breathing
and I dedicate it in the direction that leads the eyes,
wanting to know if I am something of yours without chosen method
... a game of chance.
Or maybe the same thing happens on your mind too ...

Well folks, the new issue of the Ensign has come out. This time: General Conference talks.

Sometimes I have a feeling that General Authorities are a little overzealous in their attempts to be funny or to keep our attention. I don't know if any of you remember, but a few years ago, before my mission I think, President Hinckley challenged someone to a duel in the basement. The place erupted into laughter. Then later on in the session, a seventy got up and challenged President Hinckley to a duel to begin his talk.... Nobody laughed. Another one: I can't remember when it was, but it was before my mission. To close Priesthood session, the man who gave the closing prayer mentioned how much we "love President Kimball." It must have been kind of awkward for him to open his eyes and go over and shake President HINCKLEY's hand lol. The following are my top 5 of quotes that I will never forget:

October 2005. Cheryl C. Lant when talking of children said, "Sometimes I have the luxury of immersing myself in the scriptures. Sometimes I read them in snatches. However, it doesn’t seem to matter where or when I read the scriptures; I can still carry them in my heart."

I listened to this in English while in Mexico. All I could think about was how they were going to be able to change the word "snatches", which probably isn't even a word in English, into Spanish.

April 2002. Spencer J. Condie advised the youth of the Church in his talk: "You young men will grow in stature and physical strength as you engage in folk dancing, sports, and wholesome, friendly athletic competition characterized by good sportsmanship."

Folk dancing? Folk dancing? I've NEVER known a young man to grow in stature and physical strength from folk dancing. Then again, my legs are skinnier than most guy's biceps, so I guess I can't speak from experience.

October 2007. Douglas L. Callister said in his talk that "Brigham Young said of Orson Pratt: 'If Brother Orson were chopped in inch pieces, each piece would cry out: "Mormonism is true."
Okay, that is the weirdest thing I've heard in a long time. There's no way you can spin that to make it sound better. It's just weird. And gross. If you chopped me in inch pieces, each piece would cry out: "Don't quote me in a talk."

October 2002. Colleen Menlove began her talk by exclaiming: "I like exclamation marks!"

Okay. How odd. And probably very difficult again for the foreign language translators to work with during the live broadcast. I don't have a favorite punctuation mark but I'm open to changing that. That comma really is amazing.

April 2001. Carol B. Thomas encouraged parents in her talk to "teach our children to go through their closets regularly and share their clothing while it is still in style, allowing others to dress fashionably too."

I think we all know that you don't go to DI or Salvation Army to buy fashionable clothing. (Unless pit stains and Halloween costumes are the new craze with the youngsters). Of course, maybe that's because we're not encouraging our children often enough to donate their clothing while it's still in style.

Of course, the points of their talks were wonderful. I can't have a top 10 in my favorite spiritual quotes - it would be tough to come by, due to the fact that every conference is so full of powerful, spiritual witnesses. But none will keep you awake better than the weird, awkward statements made in these same conferences. Let me know if you remember any funny, awkward moments of General Conference.